View the Boundaries and Consent PowerTopic

What’s Ahead:

Boundaries:

• Examples of healthy and unhealthy relationship boundaries
• Emotions associated with healthy and unhealthy boundaries
• Importance of knowing and communicating boundaries

Consent:

• Defining, giving, and recognizing consent
• Clearly saying and recognizing “no”
• What can I do if I am sexually assaulted?
• What can I do if I experience or witness sexual harassment?

Establishing Healthy Boundaries

Establishing boundaries begins with knowing your worth and your values:

• Value yourself for who you are – you don’t need to change to satisfy others
• Take care of yourself and your needs – prioritize caring for yourself mentally and physically so you’re happy and healthy
• Give of yourself when it is reasonable, appropriate, and feels safe – it’s okay to say no to things that make you uncomfortable or ask too much of you
• Understand yourself and your goals – don’t rely on others to tell you who you are and whom you wish to become
• Stay true to your personal values – say no to anything that feels wrong

Examples of Healthy Boundaries

• Trusting people you know well
• Sharing pieces of your life with others
• Weighing the pros and cons of your relationships
• Taking things slowly (emotionally and physically)
• Asking if it’s okay before touching or physical contact
• Advancing the physical relationship only if and when you feel ready

Make sure you recognize behavior that breaks your boundaries and assert yourself when it happens – call out the behavior and reinforce your boundaries.

Examples of Unhealthy Boundaries

Relating to self-worth:

• Putting yourself down and feeling unworthy of self-love
• Letting other people set your goals or determine who you should be
• Letting others decide what you should wear or how to style your hair
• Giving up your values to match someone else’s values

Relating to trust:

• Never trusting anyone
• Sharing intimate details with someone you’ve just met

Examples of Unhealthy Boundaries

In choosing relationships:

• Letting people walk all over you
• Giving of yourself because others expect it, not because you want to
• Ignoring the cons in a relationship, even if it makes you unhappy

In pacing a relationship:

• Rushing yourself and/or your partner
• Engaging in physical intimacy soon after you meet someone
• Touching your partner in a way that makes them uncomfortable

Healthy relationship boundaries can be recognized because they bring you:

• Happiness
• Hope
• Joy
• Contentment
• Excitement
• Growth
• Energy
• Optimism
• Enhanced self-esteem
• Self-respect
• Encouragement

Unhealthy relationship boundaries can be recognized by emotions like…

• Lowered self-esteem
• Feeling stuck or desperate
• Obsessive thoughts
• Feeling alone
• Feeling discouraged
• Fatigue
• Dread
• Sadness
• Fear
• Insecurity

Know Your Limits

Before you can communicate your boundaries to your partner, you must clearly know them yourself.

Take some time to decide what boundaries fit best with your value system and comfort level.

• It’s best to do this beforehand so your decisions are more rational.
• Deciding in the moment can lead to impulsive choices.

Types of Boundaries You Should Set

Time spent together:

• Compared to time with other friends, activities, or schoolwork

Online activities:

• Posting on social media about the relationship
• Posting or tagging images of your partner without asking them first

Phone and messaging activities:

• Frequency and length of time spent talking and messaging
• Acceptable length of time to respond

Types of Boundaries You Should Set

Intimacy of messages:

• Agree on a level of intimacy in text messages that you are both comfortable with
• Never ask for or send nude or partially nude images. Either can have very serious consequences, legal and personal, and is never okay under any circumstances.

Physical intimacy:

• Kissing, touching, intimate acts
• Agree each time. Don’t assume that consent given earlier applies now.

Importance of Communication

Once you know your boundaries and confirm they are healthy, learn to communicate them clearly:

• It’s easy to say “yes” without hurting someone’s feelings
• Saying “no” should be clear and not leave room for confusion
• It takes practice to say “no” clearly without hurting feelings, but do not dilute your message in an attempt to be polite

Have your partner clearly communicate their boundaries and ask questions if anything is unclear.

Talk About It

• Why is it important to have healthy boundaries?
• Why is it important to know your own boundaries before they are tested?
• Can you identify examples of unhealthy boundaries?
• Have you ever felt bad saying “no” and deflected the question instead of clearly c