Teen Dating Violence

View the Power Topic Teen Dating Violence

What’s Ahead

• About teen dating violence
• Warning signs that your partner may be abusive
• Consequences of teen dating violence
• What we can do about teen dating violence
• What can I do if I am sexually assaulted?
• What can I do if I experience or witness sexual harassment?

Dating Violence – What is it?

• Physical violence – When a person hurts or tries to hurt a partner by hitting, kicking, or using another type of physical force.
• Sexual Violence – Forcing or attempting to force a partner to take part in a sex act, sexual touching, or sexting when the partner does not or cannot consent.
• Psychological aggression – Using verbal or non-verbal communication to emotionally harm or control another person.
• Stalking – Repeated, unwanted attention or contact that causes fear or concern for one’s own safety or the safety of someone close to the victim.

Teen Dating Violence – How big is the problem?

• Nearly 1 in 11 female teens, and about 1 in 15 male teens reported experiencing physical dating violence in the last year.
• About 1 in 9 female and 1 in 36 male high school students reported experiencing sexual dating violence in the last year.
• 26% of women and 15% of men experienced intimate partner violence for the first time before age 18.

Dating violence is widespread and adversely affects millions of teens.

Teen Dating Violence – Who is most at risk?

Studies show these factors are associated with a higher likelihood of experiencing teen dating abuse and violence:

• Prior sexual activity
• Having been a victim of a crime or peer/sibling violence
• Having less social support
• A large age gap between dating partners
• A dating partner with a history of bullying other students

Dating Violence Starts Early

47% of 11–14-year-olds report having been in a dating relationship. Of those:

• 62% know peers who have been verbally abused by a dating partner (called stupid, worthless, ugly, etc.)
• 41% know peers who have been abused/insulted by a dating partner via messaging or on social media
• 36% know peers who have been pressured by their dating partner to do things they didn’t want to do

20% of 13- to 14-year-olds in relationships know peers who have been physically abused by their dating partner (kicked, hit, slapped, punched in anger)

The seriousness of these problems increases with age (teens 15-18)

Everyone is worthy of respect. Being insulted or pressured by a dating partner is never okay! Being hurt emotionally or physically by a dating partner is never okay!

Talk About It

• Why do you think some teens might tolerate being insulted by a dating partner? Being physically hurt?
• How do you think most teens respond when pressured by a dating partner to do things they don’t want to do?
• If dating violence leads to sexual harassment at school, did you know that the school is required to address it under the federal civil rights law called Title IX? Learn more and get help on the Stop Sexual Assault in Schools website.

Warning Signs: Your dating partner may be abusive if they…

• Are extremely jealous, insecure, or possessive
• Insult your or your family/friends
• Humiliate you
• Tell you what to wear/how to do your hair
• Blame you for anything that goes wrong
• Have an explosive temper or sudden mood swings
• Often go back and forth between charming and controlling/angry
• Punish you, especially by withholding affection
• Threaten to spread rumors about you
• Threaten to share private information
• Keep you away from friends/family
• Tell you no one else will ever love you
• Physically cause you pain in any way
• Threaten to hurt you, your friends, family, or pets
• Control your money or don’t want you to work/earn money
• Check your phone, email, or social networks without permission or demand your passwords
• Control who you call, message, or friend on social media
• Demand that your respond immediately to their messages
• Tell you what you can and can’t do or whom you can spend time with, or expect you to ask permission
• Break or take things that belong to you
• “Love bomb” you — send expensive gifts, call/message you constantly, or say they are madly in love/can’t live without you after only a very short time 

Here is a short video by Jewish Women International (JWI) showing how abusive behaviors by a dating partner often develop.

Talk About It

Warning Signs

Regarding the list of warning signs of an abusive partner:

• Which of these might not be recognized as abusive behavior? Why?
• Are there any other warning signs you can add to this list?

One in three teens say they are messaged 10-30 times an hour by their dating partner. 

• What frequency of messaging seems too much to you?

More than half of teen victims of dating violence say they have compromised their own beliefs to please a partner.

• What are some scenarios where one might be tempted to let this happen?

Dating Violence: What are the consequences?

• Being fearful and concerned for safety
• Missing school or work
• PTSD symptoms (panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks)
• Depression, anxiety, trouble sleeping
• Eating disorders, addictions
• Headaches, chronic pain
• Anti-social behavior (withdrawing from friends/family)
• Thoughts or actions of self-harm
• Increased risk of future victimization and/or homelessness

Dating Violence: What can we do about it?

• Respect your dating partners and expect respect from them
• Examine your behaviors and those of your dating partner
• Intervene:
• If you believe a friend may be in an abusive relationship, you can meet privately with them to share the warning signs you have observed
• Provide them with the helpline and chatline resources on the next slide
• Support survivors:
  • Let them know you believe them and are there for them
  • Let them know they are valuable and worthy of respect

Talk About It

• What consequences of dating violence do you feel are most common? Most severe?
• What challenges do you foresee intervening with a friend? What approach do you think might be effective?
• Pair up and role play as someone who wishes to alert a friend who they suspect may be in an abusive relationship.

Do More:

• Think whether there is a friend you may consider approaching. Think about how you might do that and what you would say.
• How can our club share what we’ve learned in this presentation with others?
• Is there an event the club can plan for February – Dating Violence Awareness Month – to share this topic with the school or community?

Learn More

Visit Love is Respect for many resources regarding healthy and unhealthy relationships.